Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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