sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
only if we run a train.
done.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
