she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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