you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
