she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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