dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The beer is more important than you right now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
