Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
