Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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