Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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