i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize