Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
