Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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