My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
