is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
