I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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