You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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