I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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