there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
