You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize