another moral hangover. fuck.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
