your thong is hanging out like whoa
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
