I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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