If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
