what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
