Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
