dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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