She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize