I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
