if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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