just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im on a boat
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