Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
