I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
