I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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