Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize