I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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