remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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