Screwed.edu
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
