..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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