I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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