if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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