i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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