dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We have started to decorate penises.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
