Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
