yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
