its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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