We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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