Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
