i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
