im drinking this country out of the recession.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize