The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
