i was born a porn star she said
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
