He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't motorboat a personality
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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