went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
