Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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