once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
