escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
