I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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