And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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