I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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