Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
