He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
