You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i drank out of a bidet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
