As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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