I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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