I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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