im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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