Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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