mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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