Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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