My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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