the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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