I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
