You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
