I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
