Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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