she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
that may or may not have been my penis.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
