I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
